Ever wonder  how your life would be if you didn’t choose the path you take now?

Ever wonder of that certain feeling whenever you change your mind about something?

Do you think of that time when you were offered a job and agreed to it but instantly regret it when another job came right after you signed a contract on the other one?

Or  that feeling when someone who didn’t even put enough effort as much as you but passed every single exam they take in just one go?

Do you ever think of that time where  you felt that your plans would work but then the outcome was not what you expected?

Those whys, what ifs, maybes, buts, stills, because and every excuses you make when something goes wrong or you’re too afraid to do what you have to do.

How does it feel to have those questions keeping you company every single day?

You know, life is full of uncertainties, regrets, anxious feeling and pretentions but life is never MEANINGLESS.

Life is a meaning itself. It is believing that you can overcome every obstacles that the world throws at you no matter how hard they are …

It is inhaling positivity and exhaling negativity because you know that it comes and it goes.

It is learning to love yourself and give enough to the other people around you..

Life is not wasted no matter what you are going through. LIFE IS MEANINGFUL.

via Daily Prompt: Meaningless



It’s been months that I haven’t written anything in here because for some reason, I get anxious whenever I write something here. However, I felt the need to vent out my feelings today because of what happened these past few days.

Two days ago, I received a news reporting that one of the most amazing KPOP idol that I know of, suddenly passed away. He committed suicide because depression is consuming his life. He was depressed yet no one knows that it was serious. His friends, family, fans – none of them knew, none of US knew.

His name is Jonghyun from a great KPOP group called Shinee and he is known for his charismatic smile, amazing vocals and the songs he wrote for other artists as well as for him. I remember him being goofy and happy when I watch him on variety shows which makes the hosts get more comfortable with him and that makes a lot of people happy. As someone who has been following the KPOP craze for the past few years, I know that he is famous worldwide as an amazing  korean vocalist and songwriter and this  should make him feel accomplished and joyful but  the pain and the emptiness inside him is overpowering these achievements and bliss. He has been writing songs about being engulfed with a certain sadness and sorrow as if he is crying for help but nobody listened to it deeply. I, myself, am guilty of it.

When I received the news that he was dead, I was shell-shocked because I have heard that he had a successful concert days and was even preparing for his comeback. I did not cry during that time as I was still trying to update myself with the news about him as if I was waiting for someone to say that it was just a prank. But when his friend publicly shared a letter a few hours after that it was confirmed saying that it was something that Jonghyun wishes for people to see when he dies, I bawled upon reading that he suffered alone and even blaming himself on what he is feeling. It hurts that it’s late for us to lend our hands and support him in the time that he needed someone the most.

(Jonghyun’s letter)


A few months back, one of my idols also committed suicide (Chester BEnnington, Linkin Park) and another favorite kpop idol of mine, almost ended his life too whether be it an attempt or not (T.O.P., Bigbang) and I can’t help myself from asking “Why?”. How do they come up with the certain idea that killing themselves is a better solution? I guess despite the fame, fortune and everything that a person has, there is still a void in their life that nobody can complete it but them. But how can  this void be stocked with something  when they don’t have the energy and will to do it. I guess we’ll never know.

For someone who suffers anxiety problems most of the time which sometimes cause  sadness and emotions that cannot be explained at times, I felt that what I am going through is already something serious, so how much more, them – those who have depression. When you are on the verge of falling on a cliff, would you be able to stop yourself from falling? I think not. I may not understand what Jonghyun was fully going through but I knew that he felt alone and that itself, is sad,  because he has a lot of people that loved him so much and that did not stop him to kill himself. If he only turned.

I’m just glad that these days, I have a good and clear mind although I still overthink about a lot of things but that’s another story to tell. This sudden passing of one of my favorite artists made me realize a lot of things. One, you need to listen and I mean listen not only with your ears but with all your heart, soul, and mind whenever someone asks you advice or help. Two, see not only with your eyes but with your heart. Look out for each other’s backs always. Three, a good mental state is important and no matter how much work or problems you have, you need to take a break. Four, stop the hate. No matter who you are and where you come from, you don’t have the right to bash others. You don’t know what they are going through. Spread love. Lastly, don’t stop living. Remember that whatever you are going through, you can still come out alive. And if anyone wants to talk, you can always go to me.

Dear Jonghyun, you have lived well no matter what the circumstances were. Wherever you are right now, I hope your are happy and singing with the angels. You deserve everything and please remember that you are loved.


Those subtle contrasts – does it really make a difference?

via Daily Prompt: Nuance

This is the first time that I am actually responding to a prompt as I am too lazy to think of what to say or let’s just say I am trying to hide away from my feelings. However, this prompt, made me ask myself a lot of questions such as “Will this certain change on my daily lazy routine could actually make nuances in my life right now?”, “Does having a sort of a fine distinction of something in your life/career/love can make a difference” and so on.

In life, you get through a lot of heavy stuff that sometimes you want to escape from just to feel good even if it’s just a few minutes or maybe days. It feels like what you are going through doesn’t make sense that you question everything and overthink things. I, myself, is an over-thinker whereas I do not do anything about a certain situation that I’m going through to make it better just because I feel like it wouldn’t make a difference. It’s  just hard to undergo that process again and come up with the same result. Nevertheless, trying out and making a subtle difference in a situation can also make wonders in life that often give hope and miracles. It takes courage and perseverance as well as patience to mentally prepare you with what lies ahead when you move.

The nuances in the perspective of a person can change a him may it be bad or good. These delicate complex of contrasts in one’s perception of a situation can make a difference in his life  although there will be unpredictable results.  It’s up to you on how you will handle these nuances in your life and make it a positive factor so that you will be able to move forward. These fine distinctions and changes in life may sometimes be hard to accept and may take awhile but once you get to fully embrace it, you will definitely have a positive end-result.

So, nuances for me is relevant as it can take you somewhere you needed to be. Although it will be difficult at times, it will definitely be worth it in the end. All you need is time and a little bit of reflection in order for you to overcome hardships in life and accepting these subtle contrasts.





START ANEW. I was a fan of blogging for a decade now and I have always thought of starting one just for the heck of it for  years since I usually write things I think about on notebooks or diaries. However, I’ve been scared of posting my thoughts as a whole “essay” and not just a 140 character status/opinion on websites because Iam scared of people I know finding out about it. But lately, I am trying to be more open and tend not to overthink of the critics on what I stand for and what I want to do. As a pessimistic-optimist person, that is a big step for me as I want to keep a more positive mind and soul.

NEW WORLD. This idea of making A diary online is somewhat new to me as I have only been posting quotes from writers/poets or photographs that usually symbolizes my state of mind at that time. This is like creating a portal through my brain and soul in which strangers can see things that I don’t share with anybody even to my friends and family. I decided to do this to help me overcome my anxiety and negativity in life and hoping that someone out there could relate to.

FEELINGS. Lately, I’ve been feeling a lot of emotions all at the same time due to many life choices that I have made or I will be making in the future. Anxiety is quickly creeping inside of me which in my experience is not so good as it makes me feel like bursting into sudden flames and just disperse out of nowhere. I can usually overcome the feeling of sadness and whatever bad things that are happening to me easily but before doing so, I tend to think of all the negative things that I could come up with and that usually hinders the positive mindset to happen. And that’s why  I’m trying so hard to be more positive about the sudden changes in my life and not go astray in my faith and dreams.

RESULTS. This sudden outburst of anxiety, confusion and melancholy is may be due to the result that I have received today that I did not expect to be so freaking low than my expectations. I’m confused because I don’t know where my life is turning and how this could affect not only me but my family. Furthermore, I’m sad because I felt like I gave it all but at the same time I didn’t push myself more to prepare for the unexpected blow that the exam could give me. I guess no matter what the end-result of this situation would become, I have to face it and move forward on my own and decide what my next step is.

FAITH. Don’t get me wrong but I’m not one of those people who often go to church and pray but I truly believe that I remained faithful to God no matte what happens in my life. I may forget to pray at times but I believe in whatever God plans for me and trust Him in every step of the way. I may be feeling anxious and paranoid most of the time but I never would have asked Him why it is happening to me. In fact, faith in Him is an aspect that holds me up and make me stand  no matter what the odds give me.

PUSH. It’s okay, it’s alright. Life must go on and it must carry on in order to survive in this world. Despite being on a depressive state, I need to push myself to get up, plan, strive hard and do what I have to do to live and be responsible with every decision I make in my life.

END. This is not the end as it is just beginning. 🙂