START ANEW. I was a fan of blogging for a decade now and I have always thought of starting one just for the heck of it for years since I usually write things I think about on notebooks or diaries. However, I’ve been scared of posting my thoughts as a whole “essay” and not just a 140 character status/opinion on websites because Iam scared of people I know finding out about it. But lately, I am trying to be more open and tend not to overthink of the critics on what I stand for and what I want to do. As a pessimistic-optimist person, that is a big step for me as I want to keep a more positive mind and soul.
NEW WORLD. This idea of making A diary online is somewhat new to me as I have only been posting quotes from writers/poets or photographs that usually symbolizes my state of mind at that time. This is like creating a portal through my brain and soul in which strangers can see things that I don’t share with anybody even to my friends and family. I decided to do this to help me overcome my anxiety and negativity in life and hoping that someone out there could relate to.
FEELINGS. Lately, I’ve been feeling a lot of emotions all at the same time due to many life choices that I have made or I will be making in the future. Anxiety is quickly creeping inside of me which in my experience is not so good as it makes me feel like bursting into sudden flames and just disperse out of nowhere. I can usually overcome the feeling of sadness and whatever bad things that are happening to me easily but before doing so, I tend to think of all the negative things that I could come up with and that usually hinders the positive mindset to happen. And that’s why I’m trying so hard to be more positive about the sudden changes in my life and not go astray in my faith and dreams.
RESULTS. This sudden outburst of anxiety, confusion and melancholy is may be due to the result that I have received today that I did not expect to be so freaking low than my expectations. I’m confused because I don’t know where my life is turning and how this could affect not only me but my family. Furthermore, I’m sad because I felt like I gave it all but at the same time I didn’t push myself more to prepare for the unexpected blow that the exam could give me. I guess no matter what the end-result of this situation would become, I have to face it and move forward on my own and decide what my next step is.
FAITH. Don’t get me wrong but I’m not one of those people who often go to church and pray but I truly believe that I remained faithful to God no matte what happens in my life. I may forget to pray at times but I believe in whatever God plans for me and trust Him in every step of the way. I may be feeling anxious and paranoid most of the time but I never would have asked Him why it is happening to me. In fact, faith in Him is an aspect that holds me up and make me stand no matter what the odds give me.
PUSH. It’s okay, it’s alright. Life must go on and it must carry on in order to survive in this world. Despite being on a depressive state, I need to push myself to get up, plan, strive hard and do what I have to do to live and be responsible with every decision I make in my life.
END. This is not the end as it is just beginning. 🙂